So, I’m well aware that I’ve mentioned numerous times that this blog is mainly for all accounts happening in the time being, but I swear this flashback is relevant to what’s happening in my “now”.
This had to have been somewhere around January 2014
In these days I classified myself as an “island girl” and participated in things that marked me as such. On this particular night, I was gearing up to leave home. Already having resigned from my God awful management job at the Beretania Safeway, I knew I only had a week left before I was heading for shark infested mainland waters.
(in case you didn’t read “The Beginning” link, in Hawaii, Mainland = continental U.S.)
I can’t recall the day…or days…but I know it was coming into the new year. I don’t believe in “New year, new me”. I like me just the way I am. I may tweek things about myself as I get older but I’ll be damned if I’m starting over a new EVERY SINGLE YEAR. But I digress…
Smoke filled our lungs, traveling upward; building dreams within our minds. Producing clouds from our ruby red stained lips. No, we weren’t trapped in a fire. We were just three 21yr old girls toking all of the green buds that nature had provided for us on that glorious night. I lay in the cold sand next to my two best friends, speculating about what life would bring to us in the coming days. Would we have the time of our lives, doing drugs and dancing til dawn for only one week more before they forgot about me? After a few months away, would my existence become nothing but a few pictures posted on Instagram? “Fuck it,” is what I thought as I hit the jay once more and rose to my bear feet.
Standing at 5’4″ with a slim build and a head full of blond twists that ran far down my back. I see it like it was yesterday. If these girls are going to forget me, it damn sure wouldn’t be weeks, or even months from now.
I wanted to be remembered. I wanted to leave and come back to things the way they were before. So what did I do? I gathered my girls, hit up the bars, danced all night and sang karaoke into the morning hours. 5am rolled around and we hopped on the first bus to the other side of the island. Make up faded into next to nothing, bare feet with heels in hand and only one more jay left. We hustled off the bus as it arrived at it’s final stop. Like children at play, we spotted a sign pointing us toward the nearest Kailua beach and took off running. I couldn’t tell if it was the substance abuse or natural euphoria that took the credit, but upon arriving to the shore we all burst into what seemed like infinite laughter. We had made it just in time. The sun was rising.
NOW FOR THE RELEVANCE…
I haven’t done many things as “thrilling” as the past moment I just described. I never cared to be remembered or to remember moments such as these because I always assumed that there would be other opportunities. It seems that in my current time being, in Texas, life has slowed and become almost dull. These past memories are all I really have left of the “me” that was then. The “me” that is now almost became content with a simple waitress job and a studio apartment. Spending my days waiting to finish school, so that I can take the next step into doing the “family” routine. Looking back on days when I thought we ran the world, makes me realize that life is so short. These memories seem like last week, but with the passing days, the details become more and more faded.
So, here I sit, blogging in my studio in Texas, wondering about what tomorrow holds. I’m not sure. I don’t really know what’s next to come, but I do know that I need to make a promise to myself for a more satisfying tomorrow. I need to make everyday a memorable one. As old memories fade, I need to be able to replace them with bright, current ones. That’s the goal anyway.
Tomorrow, I think I’ll get a pet ferret. How’s that for memorable!